PAX Prime 2012 adventures

Thursday

I arrived at my airport terminal at 11AM. 3 Hours early. There was 4 people that were specifically going to PAX. Storm, Theron, CM manager of Tripwire Interactive, and Darren a Deputy Manager enforcer. We all talked about our previous PAX experiences, how many times we’ve gone to PAX and what were we most excited to do or see at PAX. 3 were in the Atlanta area, and Storm had a connecting flight from Baltimore Maryland.

When we landed in Seattle, Darren was a great help to us on using the Sea Tac Light Link Rail to get from the airport to the Westland station to get to our hotels. During the 1 hour transit ride, Darren shared the benefits of the Google app that gives notifications 15 minutes early like if you want to get to an appointment and under these traffic conditions for this time of day you should leave within the next 15 minutes. Overall it is more helpful than creepy, but he finds utility in that app.

When I got off the station it took a little longer than it should have to find the hostel. When I got checked in, I met Curtis Stone, Ryan Maggs, and Zach Beason. It was quiet at first. We had lots of 1 to 2 minute conversations followed by silence for 15 to 30 seconds. When I told Curtis in person about my dream of him jacking off, he didn’t want to know more. After the awkward conversations with many pauses, we went downstairs to get some free tacos.

Before eating, a hostel worker talked about all the events the Green Tortoise hostel was sponsoring and promoting over the weekend. One of them was a group that does Reggae dubstep. Zach, Ryan, and I became disgusted. The free tacos were adequate. I didn’t eat anything for the past 8 hours so the food was satisfactory. Most of the people at the hostel were their for BumperCrop. A musical festival which happen to attract a lot of hipsters. Ryan and I chatted about videogames like Max Payne 3, Red Dead Redemption. Later Zach and Ryan were chatting about college majors.

While I was waiting in line for tacos I met Robert Beach, and Cole Frazier. My first interaction with Cole was “Hi Cole.” Then Cole said “Hi.” back. Then we look at each other, for another 5 seconds and don’t talk and then we go our separate ways. That was the first of many.

Later that night, I went to Gameworks where I saw Landon, Hannah, Blake, and William. When I greeted Lando he was enthused to see the TURbo. Which I only get that treatment at PAX. Thursday night I walked around Gameworks seeing most of the arcade machines. Street Fighter IV was the busiest section at the arcade. Lando offered his Gameworks card to anyone if they wanted to play any arcade games. No one accepted his offer. Zach asked Landon to guess his weight. He said “410 lbs.” Zach responded with “Not anymore.” Zach is currently as of August 29th, 360 lbs.

When I arrived back at the hostel I got to meet Marco. We both realize we had the same Mass Effect 3 N7 wallets that we both redeemed through Gamestop’s Power Up Rewards. When Zach arrived in the room when the lights were off, Marco did an excellent Bane impression of “Ah you merely adapted to the dark, but I was raised in it.”

I had a horrible time sleepings Thursday night. The street lights from the window was to bright, and the noise was too loud. When I went to bed I woke up 45 minutes to an hour later. This happened 4 times that night. I woke up in the middle of the night at 3:30am then went back to bed. I then woke up at 4:47am then went back to bed. Then at 6AM I woke up with only 3 to 4 hours of sleep.

Friday morning
Robert, Marco, and I had breakfast at 6:30 AM. Marco and I went to Target in which Marco got overcharged for a 20 oz of Gatorade. Instead of $1.07 it was $4.99 since it was originally part of a 6 pack. He thought it only happened to him because he was a Mexican. He was only half right.

Marco and I went to the convention queue line and waited 2 hours before the show floor opened up. During that time I blew up a beachball and hit toward a line that had no one in it. There was a kid playing Pictochat on a DS lite and had his wi-fi on and wondered what ASL was. I assumed he must have been 16 or under. Waiting in the queue line was a 45 year old guy from Florida that worked for Microsoft, and another guy that served 3 combat tours in Iraq. And behind us was 2 guys Steve and Zach who I chatted with for the last 45 minutes until the show floor opened up.

I brought a beach ball, so did 9 other people in the queue line. While I was blowing up the beachball, people nearby told me I was going to pass out. They indirectly joked I had no lung capacity and or I had heavy asthma. However when I hit the beach ball it went to a queue line where no one was. This happened twice. The Omeganauts got to see the show floor before the others, and one of the omeganauts names were A_ynss. Somehow he managed to slip that past the Penny Arcade guys.

On the show floor the first thing Marco and I went toward was Square Enix booth. They had stations to play Hitman Absolution and Sleeping Dogs. It was strange for Sleeping Dogs because it was already out. For Hitman Absolution there was no one from Square Enix to give tips. I ended up dying a lot due to lack of tutorial and high difficulty. The Chinatown setting was very detailed, and the stealth detection system was superior to the previous Hitman games. I accidentally punched a pedestrian in which all the surrounding pedestrians saw what a I did and a couple went to find a policeman. Thirty seconds later the police came.  I only played for 5 to 10 minutes. Throughout the entire expo, there was no line for Hitman Absolution because most people probably quit after 5-10 minutes. Due to not knowing what to do. Hitman Absolution was the only game I played on the show floor. Going into the show floor I got to say hi to the enforcer I have met at the last 3 PAXses.

On the show floor, Borderlands 2 and Halo 4 had the longest lines. Borderlands 2 was still 3.5 hours long, even though they had twice as many stations compared to East. Compared to East the expo was more packed, and there was worse congestion. It was not as bright as PAX East. The ACIII expo and Firefall expos were the same as East. I didn’t have much of a desire to play any F2P games mainly because you can already play those games at home. Firefall did have very nice soft carpet. Firefall has been at the last 5 PAXses. On the show floor I got to say hi to the tastiestjamb and the guy that tags along with him.

After playing Hitman Absolution, Marco and I went upstairs and saw the League of Legends room. They had a nice stage setup. I had no desire to wait in line to get a PAX skin. Sometime later Marco and I walked across the skybridge in which I met Sam Hulick, the only composer to score all the Mass Effect games. I got to have a 30 second conversation with him and told him how much I liked his music, and the ME3 romance theme so much I learned it on piano. Sam pointed me to the guy that played the violin for the ME3 Romance theme, and I got to shake his hand as well. After he left to go to the Bioware Base, I became really giddy and started shaking my hands in a super spastic manner. Marco saw all of this happen. Marco and I went to the Colonial Marines exhibit where we got our picture taken in the loader.

Marco and I later went to the Assassins Creed III GamesRadar meetup that was giving away from BBQ in a food truck. Blake Hall, Zach Beason, Landon VanBuskirk, and Hannah were also present. I got a spicy pulled pork BBQ and a Mexican Coca-Cola with real cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup.

Soon Landon, Blake, Marco, Zach, and Hannah went their seperate directions, and I stayed at the food truck talking to Dave Rudden, Henry Gilbert, Mikel Reparaz, and Tyler Wilde. It was my first time meeting Mikel Reparaz, Anne Lewis, Scott Butterworth, Henry Gilbert, Evan Lahti, and Logan Decker. Chris Antista arrived later. Dave Rudden and Henry Gilbert talked about how Chris Antista was busy working at Capcom, and that put a damper on the podcast schedule. When I met Mikel Reparaz I first talked about how much I enjoyed his historical top 7’s when he discussed them on TalkRadar. We then later spent most of the time talking about history which included the The 3rd Crusades, the historical significance of religion and how that related to the Spanish Civil War. We also talked about Kane and Lynch 1 and 2, and why 2 was a lot worse in many ways. Mikel had to go to an appointment. I got to say hi to Logan Decker which he was busy reciting for the opening of the PC Gamer panel. He told me speaking to a crowd of hundreds makes him anxious in a sick way of about to throw up but not because throwing up is gross. I told him I remember him back from the Maximum PC days and he said something about he was just a young one back then.

For the PC Gamer panel, they got Notch from Minecraft, Rocket from DayZ, Greg Kasavin from Bastion, Jake Solomon from X-COM Enemy Unknown, and Sean Vassman from The Walking Dead episode series. Before going in, Notch was looking at the crowd. People weren’t sure it was him because he had the black hat off. It made him incognito. Before going in everyone waiting in line got PC Gamer swagbags. It came with 9 gift codes for EA F2P games.

Logan Decker started off with a great presentation. He talked about his experiences where he had to hand crank the Apple II to get graphics. The panel mainly focused on what will be the future of storytelling in games. Notch and Rocket, were more focused on having storytelling through environment. While Sean and Greg games they work on linear narrative. Overall they agreed that being a hero, and large amazing spectacles are done well. However elements such as being insignificant in a large world hasn’t been done that often. Rocket wanted games of you will die, but the world goes on just like in real life. Jake Solomon said it is hard to depict love, affection, and relationships in a sound manner through gameplay mechanics, but sex is a lot easier. After the panel I got to say hi to Mitch Dyer, and Andy Bauman. The woman that worked for Sales and Marketing for Future US gave Blake and I Dead Island Riptide iPad cover. She didn’t want to give it to me at first because she thought I worked at Future US. I should have said “You can’t fire me!”

Leaving the PC Gamer panel, Blake Hall and I got lunch at Subway. The guy that made my sandwich was if Joakim Noah was 5’ 3’’ and was a complete asshole. After Blake and I grabbed our sandwiches we headed toward the Mega 64 panel. Waiting in line for the Mega 64 panel I ran into Marco and Ryan. The Mega 64 panel was a lot of fun. There was high amounts of energy in the room. They gave away very nice Razer headsets. The Q&A was ok. One guy dressed in a nice suit, asked the worse question you can possibly asked at a Mega 64 panel, but due to dressing up in nice attire it was booing was kept to a minimum.

Afterwards the 4 of us went to Gameworks, which there was a long line for a Turbine WB party which was seperate from the IGN meetup party on the 2nd floor at Gameworks. I didn’t want to wait in line for a long time so I went with Blake Hall to the videogame gameshow panel. Along walking to the panel, there was a group of people blasting Gangham Style, so I stopped walking with Blake Hall, and started dancing to Gangham style. It was pretty awesome. On the “HEY SEXY LADY!” I was leg shuffling just like PSY would.

I was only at the Gameshow panel for 3 minutes until Marco told me that line was for something else, and told me to just walk into Gameworks. At Gameworks on Friday night, I saw 435 for the first time, and first time I saw churcheswife and knucklesdawson at Prime. Brett Elston said he would come at 8pm, but Chris Antista and Brett Elston didn’t come until 11:00 PM.

At Gameworks, Tyler Wilde and the conversation around him was about gaming. We talked about downfall of retail sales, why digital will be the future, review scores and scales, the horrible of internet commenters, and the everyday awful of r/gaming or just the internet in general. Overall Tyler said the Half Life 3 exclusive reveal by PC Gamer, irritates him because it sounds more legitimate than 99% of all the other poor rumors he reads or hears at work. For the Steambox he said that is still a ways away. On review scores he says PC Gamer is more critical than GamesRadar, but on 100 point review scales the difference between a 67 and 68 is indistinguishable. Tyler talked about Nintendo ended Nintendo Power, and OXM, and PTOM they paid a license to have those magazines be official. For @Gamer for reviews, they will only publish games that will be above a certain score, if not there is no review. If you wondered why Amy, or NeverDead was reviewed by @Gamer that is why. On Tyler Wilde review scores, Curtis, Robert, Cole, and I were a tribunal. You gave Brink an 8? Medal of Honor also got an 8. You gave Borderlands an 8, which Tyler Wilde thought he gave Borderlands a 7. Tyler Wilde gave us an employment tip if we were going to work in the gaming press. Don’t say fag on twitter.

After chatting with Tyler Wilde I went to talk to Mikel Reparaz about Sleeping Dogs and Max Payne 3. Then we talked about how dangerous was Brazil was and it will be very dangerous for tourists that attend the 2014 World Cup and 2016 Rio De Janiero olympics. Mikel said if you are really rich in Brazil, you have helicopters to get around and you never walk the street. Mikel always looks tired regardless what time of day it is. I told him about him getting mad on TalkRadar when they called him Mikel Cubikal which he said all he probably did was scold Chris.

It was nice when Chris Antista arrived. However he did have sad news to share that there would be no LaserTime PAX podcast. I was bummed. I showed Chris the gift I would have give him live on the podcast. It was kid size Minnie Mouse underwear which would be great for your future girlfriend. Chris Antista said to me “Wait you gave me used children’s panties?” “That is worse than a sex toy, or it can be a sex toy.” Soon people started asking question to me like where did you find these panties? I found them off the sidewalk. Someone said “In Seattle?” I said “No, in Alabama.” Chris responded “That’s even worse.” I said it was fine because it went through the airport so it was nothing bad. Anyway Chris Antista took the Minnie Mouse underwear.

Even though I was tired and hungry at Gameworks, it was nice just seeing my online friends in person and listening to their conversations. Later on that night there was some guy that was going to have a panel 11:30 AM tomorrow. He said he had an infinitely long penis with no tip and never cums. And sucking his dick is like corn on the cob. The last thing he said was all the possessions he currently has is in a bag on the other side of Gameworks. The main thing I got from the 3 minute interaction was that he is unemployed and homeless.

When Chris Antista talked to Churcheswife about the Lemon Party he said it was both his grandfathers and their friends. He later hypothesized that those old guys dicks must have tasted like chalk, which churcheswife looked in disgust and said something along the lines of “Why are you thinking what old guy’s dicks taste like?”

Our decided to leave Gameworks to get some food and alcohol. Outside I let off a high pitch scream which Brett said we are taking no 14 year olds. Brett Elston and our group of 14 decided to walk to the TapHouse. Instead of going right, where we would only walk ⅓ of the block, we went left and walked ⅔ of the entire block. Somehow Brett Elston and I had a taint debate, me discussing the functions, and Brett understanding that, but wish it had more purposes like sexual stimulation.

It took a while to get food at the Taphouse. I dranked water and had a couple of fries. While eating fries, David saw how similar we both eat our fries, and that we eat a lot while staying skinny. Also how we both dance like awkward white people. Somehow David talking about similarities led to me  gyrating my hips and grinding on him from his knee to upper thigh 4 times. Churcheswife asked me if I had a girlfriend which I said no. She responded with “KICKSTARTER! Get Turbo a girlfriend for $100,000.” Someone said naked pictures, which Churcheswife immediately responded with “Must be artistic nudes so they don’t violate the TOS.”Churcheswife makes a high pitch noise like a seal that inhaled helium fell off a record player.Churcheswife internet daddy came to the TapHouse and what they talked about is irrelevant to be posted to the internet. KnucklesDawson asked churcheswife is she would finish her Long Island Ice Tea which she replied “I can do it alright.” I ended up chugging the remaining bits of the liquor she couldn’t finish. Heavy Rain in our group will probably be the most quoted least played game this generation. Chris Antista said something of he dared someone to grab his balls. I heard that conversation and just grabbed his crotch which freaked him out because he wasn’t expecting a response. Chris gave me back the Minnie Mouse panties saying he wanted me to hold on to them. I guess he would rather have childrens lingerie.

Even though Ted Rossi couldn’t make it, Ted Rossi was the most talked about. I got to learn that of all the crazy stuff he said in last years podcast, most of it wasn’t even recorded. Before Brett left, he said there is a lot of things he likes about East after being at Prime 2012. I agreed with him on East is better as a convention building to deal with lots of people. But Prime has its own benefits over East. On talking on conventions Brett didn’t like it takes a week for both San Diego and New York Comic Cons to get set up and leave. Compared to PAX come in Thursday and leave Sunday. Anyway when Brett left the TapHouse Saturday at 1AM he said he will be at the PAX East, which I said to him see you March 22nd to 24th. I went to the hostel that night completely tired and had no problem going to sleep.

Saturday

Saturday morning I got up 6:30 AM. Got breakfast, then went to Target to buy cheap Gatorade for $1.07. a piece, while Marco got charged again for $4.99 a bottle for Gatorade. Of all the panels I wanted to go to, I was the most excited for Behind the Blockbuster music of videogames. I was the first person to line up at 7:40 AM. 2 Hours and 50 minutes in advance for the panel. I brought my games Deus Ex Human Revolution, Assassins Creed II, Hitman Blood Money, Mass Effect, and Halo 2 to sign. I was lucky that I had Halo 2 on me. I brought Halo 2 to intentionally give it away at a LaserTime podcast. Luckily I didn’t take it out of my bag. A couple minutes later the people that were right behind me, also waited behind me in the queue room on Friday. During the wait, I talked to the Asian girl and her boyfriend about Mass Effect, Mass Effect scoring, and other videogame soundtracks. She was looking forward to see Jesper Kyd and Sam Hulick. The special guest was Marty O’ Donnell from the Halo series.

I got to sit in the front row for the panel. When they introduced the composers, I raised the game they composed in the air. When Jesper Kyd was introduced, I raised my Assassins Creed II and Hitman Blood Money copies. Jesper Kyd saw that and he thumbs up me. I was thrilled. The panel was very interesting talking about their experiences on how they got into composing. Jesper Kyd said he started to score videogames because he wanted to turn his hobby into a paid profession. His first game company he was in failed, but the group started IO Interactive that made Hitman and Jesper played it off like it was no big deal. There was 10 minutes of Q&A at the end and I got to ask a question about, when you score a game what are you given for material? Jesper Kyd and Michael McCann said concept art. McCann said for scoring Splinter Cell if he saw a more complete build of the gameplay he would have scored the game a faster. Marty O’ Donnell for being a audio director at Bungie, he can make more demands and see the final build so they can score more appropriately to gameplay. Afterwards I had them sign my games, and told them how much I loved their music. When the panel was over there was a section in the Hyatt hallway where they would sign our games. During the quick wait I won a Bioshock Infinite poster which I put in my poster container making bringing my poster container worth it. I told Jesper Kyd to sign the bald head of Agent 47 on Hitman Blood Money. When Marty O’ Donnell signed by copy of Halo 2 on the PC, he looked at the box strangely because he said he never signed a box copy of Halo 2 on PC. He might have forget, but signing a PC copy is very rare for him.

After the videogame blockbuster music panel I tagged along with Blake Hall to the Major Nelson podcast. While I never listened to the podcast, for the special guest they had Jeff Norris, the head of JPL-NASA for the Curiosity mission to Mars. While Randy Pitchford was there discussing Borderlands 2 and Aliens Colonial Marines, Jeff Norris stole the show about talking about the Curiosity capabilities.

At 4pm I tagged with Blake Hall to the Dan Amrich, How not to write a review panel. During the wait we ran into Landon and Hannah and we played some Cards Against Humanity. PC Gamer Evan Lahti was present. After the panel, I bought his book and he signed it. He was so glad that I will learn how to read. For all the PAX memories he has with me, the slurping beer off a convention center table sticks out the most. Afterwards Blake, and I chatted with Evan Lahti on how great the PC Gamer panel was. I chatted with Evan about X-COM Enemy Unknown and how much I loved the original. I suggested for games like DayZ and Minecraft, they have to be thought of as ecosystems than conventional games.

After the panels, there was nothing for Blake and I to do or go. We went to the Red Lion Hotel and in the lobby I printed off my flight itinary for tomorrow, and jotted down my PAX experiences. I tagged with Robert Beach, and I got to meet MrPuft and friends at the Sheraton hotel. Their bed was nice compared to the hostel. However it cost them $250 a night instead of $30. When chilling we talked about cum omlettes, shitting, suicide, and semen. Lando and Hannah later came in which we played some more Cards Against Humanity. One of the guys who’s first time playing the game said “What type of game is this?” after reading the cards. MrPuft spent $10 for hotel wi-fi one night so he can look up reddit r/WTF NSFW. Like a naked man doing a jig behind a man fucking a woman. They talked about upper decking a toliet. Remove the top shit in it, and when people try to flush, shit water continually comes out. We all ganged up on Robert Beach making fun of him for being a big shot media person. When I quoted something from TalkRadar, Robert was unimpressed and replied “Ok TalkRadarWiki/Quotes.” Anyway the tension would be over later that night at Gameworks.

Even though there was no podcast at Gameworks, Chris, Brett, and whatever people from Future US would be there. At Gameworks I also got to meet Darryl Miller, an Omeganaut in East 2011, and a person that I have met at every PAX I’ve gone to. Chris Antista wanted to buy a polka dotted Scooby Doo with the intention of setting it on fire and throwing it to the street. Anyway the group at least cheap in $100 worth of arcade credit and we only walked out with 500 something tickets. Chris Antista played a shitty Spongebob game which we had no idea what was the purpose of the game. Chris jump on a light and Spongebob looked like he got sodomized. Chris only got 1 ticket for the $1 or $2 it cost to play that game. Anyway Chris was furious. Another game he played was Frogger. Where you press the button, and for the rest of the game you have no control of the frog. You just have to be lucky and time it right for all the frog hop across the obstacles which will never happen because it is rigged. Chris also said fuck that game and gave that game a finger. Anyway we were thousands behind from getting a polka dotted scooby doo, so we got as many kazoos we possibly could. We probably didn’t have enough for 40 but the workers weren’t paying that much attention. So from Midnight to close, we kazooed the fuck out of Gameworks. Chris Antista was playing Baker Street, and we all tried to play the Star Wars Cantina. I tried to make high pitch screams into the kazoo that sounded like I was being raped. I felt light headed, some people thought I was going to pass out. Chris and Brett had the tip of their kazoos touch. so they were doing some docking. Whatever shit Robert and I gave each other we  hugged each other and rocked each other in a back and forth motion and started rubbing dicks. It went on for about 20 seconds. Some kid took a lot of pictures, but it was only the upper half.

After Gameworks and saying bye, Marco, Zach, Robert, and I went back to Dylan’s (MrPuft) room. For the hotel elevators, people would put chairs and benches in the elevator. We had a cultural exchange by showing how different United States driver licenses were different from Canadian ones. We just chilled until 2:25AM, then we walked back to the hostel.

At the hostel I gave Ryan my 3 day badge in exchange for his Friday and Saturday badges because I wanted to have some badge to commemorate my Prime 2012 presence.

Sunday

I woke up at 7:30 AM said goodbye to who was awake at the hostel and went to the airport.